Obama Loves Me
Tune: Jesus Loves Me
(To be sung in all Churches, Synagogues and Mosques the weekend before the election)
Obama loves me, this I know,
For the media tell me so,
All our lives to him belong—
He’s The One who’s never wrong!
Chorus: Yes, Obama loves me,
Yes Obama loves me,
Yes, Obama loves me,
The media tell me so.
Obama is the only one
Who knows just what must now be done.
He will give us free health care,
So “Hope and Change” is now our prayer!
Reverend Wright he never heard
Damning America, we have his word,
Rezko and Raines are now no shows,
And William Ayers he hardly knows!
He’ll tax the rich ‘til they are poor,
So we won’t have to work no more.
Obama makes all Europe rave,
For he will make terrorists behave.
Do not question, do not ask,
Do not peek behind the mask,
Change will come Election Day,
For Daley’s with him all the way.
Obama loves me, this I know,
Hollywood fat cats tell me so,
He’s handsome, wise and not too old,
So we must vote just as we’re told!
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Are you smarter than a Democrat?
Are you smarter than a Democrat?
Take this 10-question quiz and find out?
1. How many states are there in the United States?
A. 48
B. 50
C. 58
D. 60
Your answer: _________
Correct Answer: B
Barack Obama’s Answer: D
May 9, 2008. Sen. Barack Obama: “It is wonderful to be back in Oregon," Obama said. "Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go. Alaska and Hawaii, I was not allowed to go to even though I really wanted to visit, but my staff would not justify it." AK & HI would make 60, after he visits the 58th state where he is “allowed” to go.
2. The Stock Market crashed in 1929. Franklin D. Roosevelt became president of the United States in January of?
A. 1925
B. 1929
C. 1933
D. 1936
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: C.
Sen. Joe Biden’s answer: B.
See quote after question 3.
3. When did a president first speak on television?
A. 1929
B. 1933
C. 1934
D. 1939
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: D.
Joe Biden’s Answer: A.
September 23, 2008: Sen. Joseph Biden: “When the stock market crashed (Note: in 1929), Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened.'”
In 1936, there were about 200 televisions in use worldwide. But very few American homes had TV until after the war. Franklin Roosevelt was the first President to speak on TV—in 1939, ten years after the Market crashed.
4. Do they speak the same language in Iraq and Afghanistan?
A. Yes
B. No
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: B
Barack Obama’s answer: A
On Memorial Day, 2008, Sen. Obama stated that U.S. military Arabic translators in Iraq are needed in Afghanistan. “We only have a certain number of them, and if they are all in Iraq, then it’s harder for us to use them in Afghanistan.” The problem is Iraqis speak Arabic or Kurdish. The Afghanis speak Pashto, Farsi, or other non-Arabic languages. So to transfer the translators from Iraq to Afghanistan would be a worthless effort.
5. Who liberated the Auschwitz concentration came in Germany?
A. American Troops
B. Soviet Red Army Troops
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: B
Barack Obama’s Answer: A
Speaking in New Mexico on Memorial Day, Obama said a great-uncle had helped to liberate the Auschwitz death camp at the end of World War II. "I had a uncle who was one of the, who was part of the first American troops to go into Auschwitz and liberate the concentration camps," Obama said.
The Red Army liberated Auschwitz on January 27, 1945.
6. If you wanted to condemn the Russians for invading Georgia, you should:
A. Ask the UN Security Council, where Russia has a veto, to condemn Russia, in hopes that Russia will vote to condemn herself.
B. just go on TV and condemn them.
Your vote: __________
Correct Answer: B.
Barack Obama’s Answer: A
August 26, 2008: "I condemn Russia's decision to recognize Abkhazia and South Ossetia as independent states and call upon all countries of the world not to accord any legitimacy to this action," Obama said. In his written statement that marked a toughening of his rhetoric toward Russia, Obama also said the United States should call for an immediate meeting of the U.N. Security Council to condemn Moscow's decision in coordination with European allies.
7. The leader of Canada is the:
A. President
B. Prime Minister
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: B.
Barack Obama’s Answer: A
August 7, 2007: Barack Obama said, "I would immediately call the president of Mexico, the president of Canada, to try to amend NAFTA….”
8. How many people died when the tornado destroyed the town of Greensburg, KS in May, 2008?
A. 10,000
B. 12
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: B
Barack Obama’s Answer: A
May 8, 2007. Sen. Obama said, "In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died — an entire town destroyed." 12 had died.
9. The terrible “Bloody Sunday” in Selma, AL, iconic to the Civil Rights movement, took place what year?
A. 1960
B. 1961
C. 1965
D. 1969
Your answer: __________
Correct Answer: C
Barack Obama’s Answer: A
“My parents got together because of what happened in Selma.” - Barack Obama, marking the anniversary of the March 1965 “Bloody Sunday” in Selma, Alabama. Obama was born in 1961.
10. Iran is a serious threat to the United States?
A. Yes.
B. No
C. Yes and No.
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: Most experts say A.
Barack Obama’s Answer: C
May 18, 2008: Iran doesn’t “pose a serious threat to us.” - Barack Obama, stating that “tiny countries” with small defense budgets cannot do us harm. The next day he stated, “I’ve made it clear for years that the threat from Iran is grave.”
Take this 10-question quiz and find out?
1. How many states are there in the United States?
A. 48
B. 50
C. 58
D. 60
Your answer: _________
Correct Answer: B
Barack Obama’s Answer: D
May 9, 2008. Sen. Barack Obama: “It is wonderful to be back in Oregon," Obama said. "Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go. Alaska and Hawaii, I was not allowed to go to even though I really wanted to visit, but my staff would not justify it." AK & HI would make 60, after he visits the 58th state where he is “allowed” to go.
2. The Stock Market crashed in 1929. Franklin D. Roosevelt became president of the United States in January of?
A. 1925
B. 1929
C. 1933
D. 1936
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: C.
Sen. Joe Biden’s answer: B.
See quote after question 3.
3. When did a president first speak on television?
A. 1929
B. 1933
C. 1934
D. 1939
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: D.
Joe Biden’s Answer: A.
September 23, 2008: Sen. Joseph Biden: “When the stock market crashed (Note: in 1929), Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened.'”
In 1936, there were about 200 televisions in use worldwide. But very few American homes had TV until after the war. Franklin Roosevelt was the first President to speak on TV—in 1939, ten years after the Market crashed.
4. Do they speak the same language in Iraq and Afghanistan?
A. Yes
B. No
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: B
Barack Obama’s answer: A
On Memorial Day, 2008, Sen. Obama stated that U.S. military Arabic translators in Iraq are needed in Afghanistan. “We only have a certain number of them, and if they are all in Iraq, then it’s harder for us to use them in Afghanistan.” The problem is Iraqis speak Arabic or Kurdish. The Afghanis speak Pashto, Farsi, or other non-Arabic languages. So to transfer the translators from Iraq to Afghanistan would be a worthless effort.
5. Who liberated the Auschwitz concentration came in Germany?
A. American Troops
B. Soviet Red Army Troops
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: B
Barack Obama’s Answer: A
Speaking in New Mexico on Memorial Day, Obama said a great-uncle had helped to liberate the Auschwitz death camp at the end of World War II. "I had a uncle who was one of the, who was part of the first American troops to go into Auschwitz and liberate the concentration camps," Obama said.
The Red Army liberated Auschwitz on January 27, 1945.
6. If you wanted to condemn the Russians for invading Georgia, you should:
A. Ask the UN Security Council, where Russia has a veto, to condemn Russia, in hopes that Russia will vote to condemn herself.
B. just go on TV and condemn them.
Your vote: __________
Correct Answer: B.
Barack Obama’s Answer: A
August 26, 2008: "I condemn Russia's decision to recognize Abkhazia and South Ossetia as independent states and call upon all countries of the world not to accord any legitimacy to this action," Obama said. In his written statement that marked a toughening of his rhetoric toward Russia, Obama also said the United States should call for an immediate meeting of the U.N. Security Council to condemn Moscow's decision in coordination with European allies.
7. The leader of Canada is the:
A. President
B. Prime Minister
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: B.
Barack Obama’s Answer: A
August 7, 2007: Barack Obama said, "I would immediately call the president of Mexico, the president of Canada, to try to amend NAFTA….”
8. How many people died when the tornado destroyed the town of Greensburg, KS in May, 2008?
A. 10,000
B. 12
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: B
Barack Obama’s Answer: A
May 8, 2007. Sen. Obama said, "In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died — an entire town destroyed." 12 had died.
9. The terrible “Bloody Sunday” in Selma, AL, iconic to the Civil Rights movement, took place what year?
A. 1960
B. 1961
C. 1965
D. 1969
Your answer: __________
Correct Answer: C
Barack Obama’s Answer: A
“My parents got together because of what happened in Selma.” - Barack Obama, marking the anniversary of the March 1965 “Bloody Sunday” in Selma, Alabama. Obama was born in 1961.
10. Iran is a serious threat to the United States?
A. Yes.
B. No
C. Yes and No.
Your Answer: __________
Correct Answer: Most experts say A.
Barack Obama’s Answer: C
May 18, 2008: Iran doesn’t “pose a serious threat to us.” - Barack Obama, stating that “tiny countries” with small defense budgets cannot do us harm. The next day he stated, “I’ve made it clear for years that the threat from Iran is grave.”
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Fannie Looters
The Fannie Looters
We are the Fannie Looters,
We looted Fannie Mae,
Now we advise Barack,
So you will have to pay.
My name is Franklin Raines,
I was Fannie’s C. E. O.,
I took my ninety million
And now advise B. O.
We are the Fannie Looters,
We’re rolling in the bucks,
We raked in mega-millions
So you are out of luck!
I’m “Sweetheart” Jimmy Johnson,
I’m glad you were asleep,
First I looted Fannie,
Then helped to pick the Veep!
We are the Fannie Looters,
Who made the market crash,
Since we’re Obama’s buddies
You’ll pony up the cash.
My name is Timmy Howard,
I was Fannie’s C. F. O.,
I had a golden parachute,
So I now advise B. O.
We call Barack B. O.,
It isn’t why you think,
Sure those are his initials,
By we have made them stink!
We are the Fannie Looters,
We looted Fannie Mae,
Now we advise Obama,
Who says that crime don’t pay?
And we who looted Fannie,
You can bet we’re coming back—
We’re going to be in government
When you fools elect Barack!
Permission to forward, publish, record or present “the Fannie Looters” is granted without restriction by the author.
We are the Fannie Looters,
We looted Fannie Mae,
Now we advise Barack,
So you will have to pay.
My name is Franklin Raines,
I was Fannie’s C. E. O.,
I took my ninety million
And now advise B. O.
We are the Fannie Looters,
We’re rolling in the bucks,
We raked in mega-millions
So you are out of luck!
I’m “Sweetheart” Jimmy Johnson,
I’m glad you were asleep,
First I looted Fannie,
Then helped to pick the Veep!
We are the Fannie Looters,
Who made the market crash,
Since we’re Obama’s buddies
You’ll pony up the cash.
My name is Timmy Howard,
I was Fannie’s C. F. O.,
I had a golden parachute,
So I now advise B. O.
We call Barack B. O.,
It isn’t why you think,
Sure those are his initials,
By we have made them stink!
We are the Fannie Looters,
We looted Fannie Mae,
Now we advise Obama,
Who says that crime don’t pay?
And we who looted Fannie,
You can bet we’re coming back—
We’re going to be in government
When you fools elect Barack!
Permission to forward, publish, record or present “the Fannie Looters” is granted without restriction by the author.
Obama says time to move on, names cabinet
Obama says time to move on, names cabinet
FPI: Dateline Chicago, October 8, 2008. Presumptive President Barrack H. Obama today said that, based on the polls, media confirmation, and input from political experts in Hollywood, the 2008 Presidential Election “is effectively over, and it’s time to move on.”
“John McCain may want to put the American Taxpayer through the wasteful expense of actually voting,” the next president forcefully said, “but I’m moving forward and today I’m naming many members of my cabinet.”
Obama appeared relaxed and sure of himself. Looking every inch the greatest president who ever lived, as even some moderates have conceded he will certainly become, Senator Obama announced several cabinet positions in the incoming Obama administration. “These appointments are effect January 20, or sooner if that Bush guy will just step aside,” the Senator said.
Secretary of Defense: William Ayers. This was the big surprise, as Obama has said he hardly knows Ayers, who hosted election events for Obama at his home in Obama’s early campaigns, and served on a board of a left wing organization with Obama. “Who knows the Pentagon better than someone who tried to blow it up?” Obama asked the cheering crowd. “Who better to get the troops out of Iraq, and every place else, than someone who attacked them here at home?” Obama denied Republican’s claims that the appointment was a political reward for Ayers support of his earlier campaigns. “As I’ve said repeatedly, I hardly know him. We sat on opposite ends of the board table—when we showed up—and I don’t think he was home when my campaign event was held in his house.”
Secretary of the Treasury: Franklin D. Raines, with deputy secretaries Jim Johnson and Tim Howard. “Who better to run the country’s economy than the three men who made Fannie Mae such a bulwark of affordable housing and economic success?” Obama asked rhetorically. “And, since they took about $150,000,000 out of Fannie, they certainly don’t need the money and are serving only because I begged them to.”
Secretary of Homeland Security: Mayor Richard Daley of Chicago. “His dad knew how to keep troublemakers in line, and this Mayor can do the same,” Obama said. “No one in the Chicago organization, me included, ever thought of criticizing the Mayor. He’ll keep a firm hand on any problems, and probably find time to help Frank Raines over at the treasury, if any problems come up.”
Secretary of Health and Human Services: Michelle Obama. “It’ll give her something to do, to make her proud of America,” the incoming president said. “I can’t have her rattling around the White House all day, especially while it’s being painted a more diverse color.”
Attorney General: Tony Rezko. “Tony knows the criminal justice system inside out, he knows how to cut a deal, and it was the least I could do for him after he helped me buy a house and raise so much campaign cash.” Smear-prone Republicans continued their vicious attack ads, pointing out that Rezko was a convicted felon, currently serving time. “The constitution wisely gives the president the power to grant pardons” Obama pointed out “I’m not waiting until the end of my term, as Bill Clinton did to help his convicted supporters, when I need Tony in my administration now.” A grateful Rezko reportedly refused additional interviews with agents probing political corruption in Illinois.
Secretary of Education. President-in-all-but-name Obama said that he had offered the position to a teacher’s union lobbyist, but that the secretary-designate was deciding if the cut in pay was worth it. “I promise you, however, that whoever holds this job will put teachers first, and no teacher’s job will be jeopardized by poor performance or by feckless parents choosing to send their children to a better school. I’m not that pro-choice!”
The One declined to name a new Secretary of Labor at this time. “We’re still counting votes,” Obama said, “But it will be someone who doesn’t support letting working people vote secretly on union issues, as I promised my loyal supporters among union leaders. The bosses should know how the rank and file vote, so they can take the appropriate action.”
“We have to be judicious in these things,” Obama said. “For example, I’ve narrowed the choice to head the Environmental Protection Agency to Michael Moore, Barbara Streisand or the Dixie Chicks. But I don’t want to move too fast and make my first mistake.”
Obama said he wasn’t able to name all of the cabinet, because contribution checks were still being tallied. “And wait until you see who I’m going to put on the expanded 15-Member Supreme Court,” he said, winking at the laughing reporters. “Can you say Chief Justice Hillary?”
Senator Obama then left for a meeting with the people he has designated to take over the military’s Joint Chiefs of Staff, including the incoming JCS Chairman, newly-promoted General Beau Biden. Accompanying the incoming president was the new Director of the CIA, Aldrich Ames, and Bernadette Dohrn, who will head up the FBI.
(Satire from Fake Press International. Not actual quotes.)
FPI: Dateline Chicago, October 8, 2008. Presumptive President Barrack H. Obama today said that, based on the polls, media confirmation, and input from political experts in Hollywood, the 2008 Presidential Election “is effectively over, and it’s time to move on.”
“John McCain may want to put the American Taxpayer through the wasteful expense of actually voting,” the next president forcefully said, “but I’m moving forward and today I’m naming many members of my cabinet.”
Obama appeared relaxed and sure of himself. Looking every inch the greatest president who ever lived, as even some moderates have conceded he will certainly become, Senator Obama announced several cabinet positions in the incoming Obama administration. “These appointments are effect January 20, or sooner if that Bush guy will just step aside,” the Senator said.
Secretary of Defense: William Ayers. This was the big surprise, as Obama has said he hardly knows Ayers, who hosted election events for Obama at his home in Obama’s early campaigns, and served on a board of a left wing organization with Obama. “Who knows the Pentagon better than someone who tried to blow it up?” Obama asked the cheering crowd. “Who better to get the troops out of Iraq, and every place else, than someone who attacked them here at home?” Obama denied Republican’s claims that the appointment was a political reward for Ayers support of his earlier campaigns. “As I’ve said repeatedly, I hardly know him. We sat on opposite ends of the board table—when we showed up—and I don’t think he was home when my campaign event was held in his house.”
Secretary of the Treasury: Franklin D. Raines, with deputy secretaries Jim Johnson and Tim Howard. “Who better to run the country’s economy than the three men who made Fannie Mae such a bulwark of affordable housing and economic success?” Obama asked rhetorically. “And, since they took about $150,000,000 out of Fannie, they certainly don’t need the money and are serving only because I begged them to.”
Secretary of Homeland Security: Mayor Richard Daley of Chicago. “His dad knew how to keep troublemakers in line, and this Mayor can do the same,” Obama said. “No one in the Chicago organization, me included, ever thought of criticizing the Mayor. He’ll keep a firm hand on any problems, and probably find time to help Frank Raines over at the treasury, if any problems come up.”
Secretary of Health and Human Services: Michelle Obama. “It’ll give her something to do, to make her proud of America,” the incoming president said. “I can’t have her rattling around the White House all day, especially while it’s being painted a more diverse color.”
Attorney General: Tony Rezko. “Tony knows the criminal justice system inside out, he knows how to cut a deal, and it was the least I could do for him after he helped me buy a house and raise so much campaign cash.” Smear-prone Republicans continued their vicious attack ads, pointing out that Rezko was a convicted felon, currently serving time. “The constitution wisely gives the president the power to grant pardons” Obama pointed out “I’m not waiting until the end of my term, as Bill Clinton did to help his convicted supporters, when I need Tony in my administration now.” A grateful Rezko reportedly refused additional interviews with agents probing political corruption in Illinois.
Secretary of Education. President-in-all-but-name Obama said that he had offered the position to a teacher’s union lobbyist, but that the secretary-designate was deciding if the cut in pay was worth it. “I promise you, however, that whoever holds this job will put teachers first, and no teacher’s job will be jeopardized by poor performance or by feckless parents choosing to send their children to a better school. I’m not that pro-choice!”
The One declined to name a new Secretary of Labor at this time. “We’re still counting votes,” Obama said, “But it will be someone who doesn’t support letting working people vote secretly on union issues, as I promised my loyal supporters among union leaders. The bosses should know how the rank and file vote, so they can take the appropriate action.”
“We have to be judicious in these things,” Obama said. “For example, I’ve narrowed the choice to head the Environmental Protection Agency to Michael Moore, Barbara Streisand or the Dixie Chicks. But I don’t want to move too fast and make my first mistake.”
Obama said he wasn’t able to name all of the cabinet, because contribution checks were still being tallied. “And wait until you see who I’m going to put on the expanded 15-Member Supreme Court,” he said, winking at the laughing reporters. “Can you say Chief Justice Hillary?”
Senator Obama then left for a meeting with the people he has designated to take over the military’s Joint Chiefs of Staff, including the incoming JCS Chairman, newly-promoted General Beau Biden. Accompanying the incoming president was the new Director of the CIA, Aldrich Ames, and Bernadette Dohrn, who will head up the FBI.
(Satire from Fake Press International. Not actual quotes.)
Obama Blasts McCain Vietnam Surrender as “Stunt”
Obama Blasts McCain Vietnam Surrender as “Stunt”
San Francisco Chronicle-Daily Worker-Pravda: San Francisco, CA. Dateline, September 25, 2008.
Presumptive President Barack Obama today unleashed a blistering blast at his reeling rival, Senator John McCain, before a cheering crowd at a Vietnam Veterans for Obama rally. The audience waved the assault rifles and bibles to which they were clinging throughout the Senator’s magnificent speech.
Calling John McCain’s October, 1967 shoot down and capture by the North Vietnamese a “political stunt,” Obama pointed out that McCain “supinely surrendered” despite “superficial wounds.”
“If McCain is such a hero, how come he gave up so easily?” asked Senator Obama, whom all the Mainstream-Media-that-Matter and Hollywood Stars have conceded is sure to be elected president in November. “After all, we have only his word that he had two broken arms and a broken leg. It was just a political stunt to help McCain’s future political campaigns, by making him appear patriotic,” said the Flag-Pin-Wearing Obama.
Senator Obama, who is affectionately known as The-Choice-of-all-Europe, also effectively criticized McCain’s “vicious claim” that the North Vietnamese smashed his shoulder with a rifle butt and bayoneted him, or that he was tortured during the five plus years when he was the “well-treated guest” of their government. “Anyone who would make such irresponsible statements, and thus damage our relationship with a friendly foreign government, isn’t fit to serve in the Illinois state senate, where I proudly voted “present” so many times, never mind to be leader of the Entire World as it Should Be, as I will be elected on November fourth,” said the President-To-Be. “This is the worst thing I’ve seen in my over three years' service in the United States Government!” the Veteran Legislator and Experienced Leader said.
But the President-in-Waiting wasn’t done ripping McCain. “John McLame criticizes my friend, political supporter and colleague Bill Ayers—whom I only know slightly— for not repenting that he and his wife took part in bombing New York City Police Headquarters, the Capitol building and the Pentagon, and for saying he hadn’t done enough to hurt America. But has McCain every repented of the bombing he did in North Vietnam? Not once! And he has the gall to talk about terrorists!” Ayers, now a respected professor in Daleyville after being acquitted on a technicality, has worked with Senator Obama as a fellow director of the Woods Fund and hosted Obama political gatherings in his home. The crowd sniggered delightedly at the clever “McLame” reference to McCain’s disabilities.
The one they call The One wasn’t done, “McCain also criticizes my friend and political fund raiser, Tony “The Fixer Felon” Rezko, for helping me get a few-hundred-K discount on my house. It’s a cheap shot to pick on someone in prison who can’t answer back—as former Yankee-Air-Pirate-War-Criminal-Prisoner McCain should know—but has John McCain ever paid back the Vietnamese government for the five and a half years he spent as their guest, with free room and board in, by his own admission, a Hilton? No—and he refused a generous offer from his gracious hosts to come home early, so it must have been a pretty plush freebee! Doubtless it was this largess that led McCain to support Vietnam’s lobbying effort for better trade relations!”
The crowd cheered wildly when the Next President joked about McCain’s inability to use e-mail and the Internet, because using a key board is painful for him, due to his war injuries. “He could type holding a pencil in his teeth to strike the keys. After all, an old fart like McCain has lots of time; it’s not like he’s out playing B-Ball or anything useful.”
The rapt attendees, all under age thirty, laughed until tears were streaming down their glowing young faces. “We want CHANGE, we want CHANGE NOW and we don’t care what KIND OF CHANGE it is,” they chanted, expressing their deep appreciation of the nuances of Senator Obama’s highly-detailed policy positions.
But their laughter dried up when Future Greatest-President-Ever Obama convincingly tied McCain to government waste. “McCain snidely condemns the millions in earmarks I brought home to my mentors in the Deserving Daley Dynasty in Chicago, and attacks my friend and valued advisor Franklin Raines for the well-earned compensation—under a paltry hundred million dollars by the way—he received while doing such a great job building Fannie Mae into the strong player in affordable American housing it is today, but has he ever mentioned the multi-million dollar fighter bomber he lost in North Vietnam, pulling off his political stunt? In my view, McCain should have to repay the taxpayers for the cost of both that aircraft, and the one he lost in the Forrestal fire, after he allowed it to be hit by a rocket accidently fired by another plane. With interest, of course, and not at the sweet discounted interest rate my friend and Veep-Pick-Advisor Jim Johnson got on his tiny $5 million in mortgages from Countrywide, either.”
Following his historic address, the Soon-To-Be-Elevated Senator shook hands with every worshipful member of the crowd of swooning supporters in the San Francisco VFW hall, estimated by this paper to be between 30,000 and 40,000 young Vietnam vets, before leaving ten minutes later for his weekly adoration session with the stars at yet another Hollywood fund raiser.
If they can make one after this devastating recital of facts by the God-Like Senator Obama, a rebuttal from the McCain camp will appear on page 17 of the Fashion Section, space available, if they can find someone to e-mail it to us.
Satire by Robert A. Hall, a Marine Vietnam Veteran and former Massachusetts state senator. Intended to be humor. Not real quotes. Please do not forward without this note!
San Francisco Chronicle-Daily Worker-Pravda: San Francisco, CA. Dateline, September 25, 2008.
Presumptive President Barack Obama today unleashed a blistering blast at his reeling rival, Senator John McCain, before a cheering crowd at a Vietnam Veterans for Obama rally. The audience waved the assault rifles and bibles to which they were clinging throughout the Senator’s magnificent speech.
Calling John McCain’s October, 1967 shoot down and capture by the North Vietnamese a “political stunt,” Obama pointed out that McCain “supinely surrendered” despite “superficial wounds.”
“If McCain is such a hero, how come he gave up so easily?” asked Senator Obama, whom all the Mainstream-Media-that-Matter and Hollywood Stars have conceded is sure to be elected president in November. “After all, we have only his word that he had two broken arms and a broken leg. It was just a political stunt to help McCain’s future political campaigns, by making him appear patriotic,” said the Flag-Pin-Wearing Obama.
Senator Obama, who is affectionately known as The-Choice-of-all-Europe, also effectively criticized McCain’s “vicious claim” that the North Vietnamese smashed his shoulder with a rifle butt and bayoneted him, or that he was tortured during the five plus years when he was the “well-treated guest” of their government. “Anyone who would make such irresponsible statements, and thus damage our relationship with a friendly foreign government, isn’t fit to serve in the Illinois state senate, where I proudly voted “present” so many times, never mind to be leader of the Entire World as it Should Be, as I will be elected on November fourth,” said the President-To-Be. “This is the worst thing I’ve seen in my over three years' service in the United States Government!” the Veteran Legislator and Experienced Leader said.
But the President-in-Waiting wasn’t done ripping McCain. “John McLame criticizes my friend, political supporter and colleague Bill Ayers—whom I only know slightly— for not repenting that he and his wife took part in bombing New York City Police Headquarters, the Capitol building and the Pentagon, and for saying he hadn’t done enough to hurt America. But has McCain every repented of the bombing he did in North Vietnam? Not once! And he has the gall to talk about terrorists!” Ayers, now a respected professor in Daleyville after being acquitted on a technicality, has worked with Senator Obama as a fellow director of the Woods Fund and hosted Obama political gatherings in his home. The crowd sniggered delightedly at the clever “McLame” reference to McCain’s disabilities.
The one they call The One wasn’t done, “McCain also criticizes my friend and political fund raiser, Tony “The Fixer Felon” Rezko, for helping me get a few-hundred-K discount on my house. It’s a cheap shot to pick on someone in prison who can’t answer back—as former Yankee-Air-Pirate-War-Criminal-Prisoner McCain should know—but has John McCain ever paid back the Vietnamese government for the five and a half years he spent as their guest, with free room and board in, by his own admission, a Hilton? No—and he refused a generous offer from his gracious hosts to come home early, so it must have been a pretty plush freebee! Doubtless it was this largess that led McCain to support Vietnam’s lobbying effort for better trade relations!”
The crowd cheered wildly when the Next President joked about McCain’s inability to use e-mail and the Internet, because using a key board is painful for him, due to his war injuries. “He could type holding a pencil in his teeth to strike the keys. After all, an old fart like McCain has lots of time; it’s not like he’s out playing B-Ball or anything useful.”
The rapt attendees, all under age thirty, laughed until tears were streaming down their glowing young faces. “We want CHANGE, we want CHANGE NOW and we don’t care what KIND OF CHANGE it is,” they chanted, expressing their deep appreciation of the nuances of Senator Obama’s highly-detailed policy positions.
But their laughter dried up when Future Greatest-President-Ever Obama convincingly tied McCain to government waste. “McCain snidely condemns the millions in earmarks I brought home to my mentors in the Deserving Daley Dynasty in Chicago, and attacks my friend and valued advisor Franklin Raines for the well-earned compensation—under a paltry hundred million dollars by the way—he received while doing such a great job building Fannie Mae into the strong player in affordable American housing it is today, but has he ever mentioned the multi-million dollar fighter bomber he lost in North Vietnam, pulling off his political stunt? In my view, McCain should have to repay the taxpayers for the cost of both that aircraft, and the one he lost in the Forrestal fire, after he allowed it to be hit by a rocket accidently fired by another plane. With interest, of course, and not at the sweet discounted interest rate my friend and Veep-Pick-Advisor Jim Johnson got on his tiny $5 million in mortgages from Countrywide, either.”
Following his historic address, the Soon-To-Be-Elevated Senator shook hands with every worshipful member of the crowd of swooning supporters in the San Francisco VFW hall, estimated by this paper to be between 30,000 and 40,000 young Vietnam vets, before leaving ten minutes later for his weekly adoration session with the stars at yet another Hollywood fund raiser.
If they can make one after this devastating recital of facts by the God-Like Senator Obama, a rebuttal from the McCain camp will appear on page 17 of the Fashion Section, space available, if they can find someone to e-mail it to us.
Satire by Robert A. Hall, a Marine Vietnam Veteran and former Massachusetts state senator. Intended to be humor. Not real quotes. Please do not forward without this note!
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