Q: What the Difference between Republicans and Democrats?
A. You only need to read the papers to find out. Republicans are extravagant, wasteful and obscene. Democrats are wonderful people who do great things.
Q: Can you give me some examples?
A. Sure. When President Obama raised over $100 million in campaign funds in one month in 2008, the media hailed it as a great achievement. But when George Bush raised than half that in a month in 2004, the media called it obscene.
When President Obama spent $150 million on his inauguration, the media said he sure knows how to throw a party to cheer up Americans in the midst of a recession. When President Bush spent about $45 million in 2004, the media called it wasteful, and suggested the money should go to Hummers for the troops in Iraq or to the poor.
When President Obama works out twice a day, the media calls it a wonderful way to relieve stress and set a healthy example for Americans. But when President Bush worked out frequently, the media said he was taking time away from his important duties, and we didn’t need a president at that level of fitness.
When Congressman Gary Studds (D-MA) had sex with a 17-year-old male page, he was allowed to serve six more terms in Congress, and to become a committee chairman again. But when Congressman Mark Foley (R-FL) sent e-mails with sexual content to under age male pages, he had to resign, and the Republicans lost control of the Congress that year, due to media attention.
Q. Is that fair?
A. No. Foley should have gone to jail for sending such obscene e-mail to boys under 18. Studds merely had, as he said, a "consensual relationship with a young adult." Not the same thing at all.
Q. I don’t understand.
A. You need to watch more TV. Republicans who raise and spend money are greedy, Democrats are not, because they are Democrats. Republicans who have sex are hypocrites, and must be punished. Democrats are only making their usual lifestyle choices, based on diversity. That’s why former Congressman Mel Reynolds was pardoned by Bill Clinton. Reynolds was convicted of 12 counts of sexual assault of a 16-year-old girl, obstruction of justice and solicitation of child pornography. Later he was convicted on 15 counts of bank fraud and lying to the FEC and SEC. But he was a Democrat and thus deserved a pardon, so the media didn’t make a big deal of it. What Foley did was disgusting and much worse.
Q. Now I think I get it. Democrats good, Republicans bad. Right?
A. Exactly. That’s what the media says, and you know they are independent, and determined to bring us the truth, no matter what or who gets exposed. So it’s no wonder that as a candidate President Obama sent tingles up the legs of our unbiased, hard-nosed, cynical, guardians-of-our-rights in the media.
Q. But, if Republicans are so awful—and reading the papers or listening to TV, it sure sounds that way—how do Republicans ever get elected to public office? I mean when we can have leaders like Congressmen Charles Rangel, William Jefferson, Mel Reynolds and Gary Studds and Governors like Rod Blagojevich, all great Democrats?
A. Beats me. I guess some people don’t like Kool-Aid.