Thursday, May 13, 2010

New Politically Correct Terms

As you know, everyone has the recently-discovered Constitutional Right not to be offended. Well, not everyone. There is an exception for Christians, Jews and White Males. You can still use your formerly-unrestricted right of free speech to offend them as much as you’d like.

This new right has resulted in politicians and pundits in the Leftstream Media dropping the term “Illegal Immigrants” for immigrants who are here illegally, in favor of the politically correct term “Undocumented Workers,” which is required to be used even for non-working immigrants on welfare or unemployed.

As an avant garde writer who likes to stay ahead of the curve, I’ve compiled the following list of modern, up-to-date, inoffensive terms which you can use as a guide to hold the Thought Police at bay. (Best if used before June, 2010.) You have to stay on top of this kind of thing, as the Perpetually-Offended are always finding new offensive terms.

Here’s a historical example:

Old ---- New
Morons, Idiots ---- Feeble Minded
Feeble Minded ---- Retarded
Retarded ---- Mentally Challenged

It is now politically-incorrect to use “Retarded” as an insult (just ask Rahm Emanuel), but using insults further back in the chain of words that pejorated, like moron, is again fine, because they are no longer associated with . So pay attention. One day you’ll say, “Mentally Challenged” and the Thought Police will be all over you.

Some of it depends on who you are. Gay folks have started using “Queer” in a political way. If you aren’t Gay, better not. And rap signers who use the “N” ward are called artists. If you aren’t Black, you won’t be called an artist. Today, the “F” word appears in print a lot more than the “N” word, which is as unacceptable as the “C” word, even if you are quoting a bigot to vilify him.

Once our friends from Mexico decide if they want to be called Hispanics, Latinos or Chicanos, I’ll let you know.

Old, insensitive, offensive term ---- New, compassionate, politically-correct term

Illegal Immigrant ---- Undocumented Worker
Border Patrol Agent ---- Racist
Colored Person ---- Person of Color
Global Warming ---- Climate Change
Liberal, Socialist, Communist ---- Progressive
Conservative ---- Wingnut
Illegal Voter ---- Undocumented Citizen
Failure ---- Pre-achiever
Drug Dealer ---- Undocumented Pharmacist
Smack, Meth, Crack, Weed ---- Non-prescribed Pharmaceuticals
Crack Whore ---- Barter Economy Worker
Bribe ---- Unearned Bonus
Kickback ---- Public Service Bonus
Shack Job ---- POOSSLQ
Crook ---- Pre-ethical Citizen
Wanted Criminal ---- Person of Interest
Coyote ---- Undocumented Dog
Female Genital Mutilation ---- Multicultural “Nicking”
Polygamy ---- Undocumented Multicultural Marriage
Earmark ---- Investment in District
Deficit ---- Investment by Future Workers
Dropout ---- Undocumented Early Graduate
Drunk, Druggie ---- Societal Victim
Con Artist ---- Undocumented Attorney
Suicide Bomber ---- Non-certified Explosives Expert
Welfare Queen ---- Government Client
Thugs ---- Union Organizers
Robber ---- Wealth Redistribution Worker
Mobster ---- Public Official
Politician ---- Un-indicted Co-conspirator
Death ---- Healthcare Cost Reduction
Dead ---- Reduced Carbon Footprint
Bureaucrat ---- Early Retiree
Check Kiter ---- Undocumented Withdrawer
Islamic Terrorist ---- Population Control Expert
Child Murderer ---- Undocumented Very Late Term Abortionist
Gang Leader ---- Community Organizer
Murderer ---- Undocumented Hospice Assistant
Murder Victim ---- Unplanned Organ Donor
Letcher ---- Reoccurring Romantic
Burglar ---- Undocumented Acquisitions Expert
Convict, prisoner ---- Temporary Government Guest
Hooker ---- Undocumented Temporary Spouse
Taxpayer Bailout ---- Troubled Asset Relief
Investor who creates jobs ---- Rich Exploiter
Government Takeover ---- Reform
Liberal Protester ---- Free Speech Patriot
Conservative Protester ---- Dangerous, Lunatic Teabagger
Leftwing Riot ---- Protest
Rightwing Protest ---- Riot
Bore ---- Blogger

Please feel free to post your additions to the list as comments. No points for "Undocumented President"--too easy


  1. I'll make no suggestions; your list is plenty to digest for now - and quite accurate, if listening to the news is any guide.


  2. i'm printing this out so I can make sure not to offend anyone in my blog posts, status updates or emails. It's too much to remember, so don't try talking to me live, i'll forget the "right" words...

    1. Sorry, but does this not make you see how absurd it all is? Really.

  3. This would actually be funny, if it wasn't really happening.
    This list of meaning-free, politically-correct, dumbspeak brought to you courtesy of the

    Atheist, Communist & Leftist Union ----- Professional Excuse-Making Industry!

  4. Islamic Terrorist ---- Population Control Expert

    Population Control Expert ---- Virgin Seeker

  5. Ignorant bastard- conservative

  6. If intended as a joke, it's not working. People have had (somehow) their skin mutated into rice paper. They get offended by, for and with everything! How ridiculous! With regards to feel offended by somebody, my cardinal rule in life is that "is not who can offend me; but who has the ability. And believe me hon, you're not the one!" We cannot control other people's mouths and brains, but we can control ourselves; and that's the most important kind of control each person needs.

    Now, as a test of my theory, I let you know that I'm a Muslim. So go ahead, insult me. See? I didn't work, because I haven given you the power to insult me. Byyyyyyyyyye

    1. Why would you take the "defensive" position of needing to "defend" yourself just because your "Muslim?" so what?...what do you want?....a "cookie"?

    2. Why do you take the "defensive tact" just based on being "Muslim"? Why should someone "insult" you for the sheer reason of being "Muslim". So, your "Muslim", "Good for you".....I'm "Scotch-Irish".....its not your "ethnic-origin" that should define you....its what the hell you do in life with stop "jones'in " for an "insult" already and take "accountability" and "responsibility" for your own ass.

    3. WHAT!.....are youF!@#$% "SERIOUS"....then "count me the F!@# out! "PEACE OUT"!

  7. Fantastic list, Thanks!

  8. I asked my son what he would do if his son came home with a colored girl? Is this question considered politically incorrect?

  9. I just re-read 1984 the other day and then stumbled upon this blog. This is only interesting because of the editions of the dictionary the Thought Police put out in the book. They include fewer and fewer words in an effort to perfect the language--dumb everyone down. It seems a little too similar to the political correctness we've been dealing with for the past few decades.

  10. This list is great!!! Could I share it on my blog? ?

  11. Just goes to show that Socialism is alive and well in America! Hemmler and Stalin would be proud to see how foolishly America has chosen to throughout Free Speech/Freedom in exchange for the bondage of socialism. Those who are choosing to be the so called pc police will discover that their very words and actions will be to their very own demise because freedom will never be silenced by fools, tyrants or tyranny. .period..

    1. You're pretty funny.
      I fail to see how asking to be called a 'Little Person' as opposed to a 'Midget' somehow bring images of Pravda and tyranny.
      Actually, this might be a good example of how political correctness might have it's Pro's:
      Somewhere along the line, you've conflated over-sensitive subsets of the population with being controlled, being controlled means a lack of freedom, a lack of freedom is tyranny, Stalin would certainly be considered a tyrant, and that brings up to Socialism.
      If this sort of thinking was not constantly be encouraged by outrageous verbal tirades and people had more control and thought more about what they said, how and why they said it:

      You might not have ended up being such a complete F*cking F*cktard.

      Just my passing thoughts. I figure if you get to jizz all over the internet, I should get to as well.
      Best Wishes,

    2. I love coming across old stuff like this. I was searching for a PC term for a crackhead as a joke, and found this gem. The butthurt in the above post makes my effing day. What a complete, point missing, over sensitive, whining, maroon.

      To K: There is no conflation. You libtard pansies have hijacked words with DEFINITIONS my entire life. We name things and define things for a reason. So everybody knows what everybody else is talking about when they discuss a thing. In other words, it is so that if you were to ask me for a spoon, I don't hand you a bucket.

      But the difference between people like me, and people like you, my delicate little flower, is that I not only don't CARE if you get offended for being called a p*ssy, because you are one, I am actually HAPPY you are offended.

      Is that because I am a hard hearted, insensitive jerk? No. Ok, well maybe. But it is also because just as rubbing an oversensitive spot on your foot will generate a callus, a little irritation on your oversensitive feelings will probably develop "thicker skin." Since you and those who think as you do lack the capacity to understand it on its face, that is a metaphor. I don't actually mean thicker skin, I mean you learn tolerance to views that don't align with yours. You know, that thing you hold so dear, and preach to me about incessantly.

      If you've been entertained enough to read this far, I hope you have figured out that I am reasonably articulate and intelligent enough to know that K wouldn't have made it past the first paragraph without running to his or her safe space for a meltdown while they fidget spin their safety pin. This response was for folks like yourself, who even if you disagree, can manage to stay with a dialogue long enough to do more than call somebody a name because they have the temerity to disagree with you.

      Good day, all.

  12. Does anyone know the politically correct term for a "gentleman's farm"? I'm sure that there is one since it has the word gentleman in it.