Why I'm voting Democrat

Several older versions of this were floating around the net. I added 16 items, dropped a few, and rewrote about half of the rest, so it's about 2/3rds new. It has been picked up several places, so I thought I'd post it myself.

WHY I'M VOTING DEMOCRAT!

I’m voting Democrat because like most Americans I trust Lawyers more than anyone else, I think only lawyers should run the government, and all the Democrat Leaders are lawyers: Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Joe Biden, John Edwards, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senate Leader Harry Reid, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and John Kerry, to name just a few. (Al Gore dropped out of Law School, so I don’t trust him as much, except on Global Warming.)

I’m voting Democrat because the Democrats support the trial lawyers and I think this country needs more lawsuits and less tort reform. And I don’t believe the trial lawyers’ contributions have a thing to do with it.

I’m voting Democrat because Congress has done such a wonderful job under Democrat leadership the last two years, that I want a lot more of the same.

I’m voting Democrat because I want to get my health care from the same competent, efficient, cost-effective, customer-service-focused folks who run the US Post Office, the Pentagon, FEMA and the state Registry of Motor Vehicles.

I'm voting Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. Besides I live in Mayor Daley's/Sen. Obama's Cook County, where there is never any serious crime.

I’m voting Democrat because Sen. Obama has promised to cut the taxes of 95% of the people, including the 40% who don’t pay taxes. Those who don't work deserve checks from those who do--it's only fair.

I’m voting Democrat because Sen. Obama has promised to take away the secret ballot in union elections, and I think the union bosses should know if a workingman or woman is with them, or against them.

I’m voting Democrat because Sen. Obama has over three years experience in the Federal Government, and “Hope” is a great strategy.

I’m voting Democrat because Sen. Obama voted “present” instead of “yes” or “no” over 120 times in the Illinois State Senate, and I think we need a decisive president.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that drilling for American oil is foolish, when we can buy oil from the Middle East.

I’m voting Democrat because I think windmills (except off Hyannis) are a better answer to reliable, clean energy than Nuclear Energy.

I’m voting Democrat because I don’t think we give enough to other countries in foreign aid.

I’m voting Democrat because I’m for putting up barriers to free trade, as they did in 1930 with the Smoot-Hawley bill. That made things much better then.

I’m voting Democrat because I miss the high unemployment, inflation and interest rates of the Jimmy Carter years.

I’m voting Democrat because parents shouldn’t get to choose the school their kids go to. Parents should leave their children’s education to the teachers and stay out of it.

I’m voting Democrat because I think this is the perfect time to raise the Capital Gains tax and drive investment money out of the stock market.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't. And I want Sen. Obama's new tax on oil companies, to drive the price of gas back up.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would, and I want to spread my wealth around to those who earn less—or nothing.

I'm voting Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as you don't criticize Muslims or minorities. That should be outlawed as "hate speech."

I'm voting Democrat because, when we pull out of Iraq, I trust that the bad guys will stop attacking us because they now think we're good people.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us what the weather will be next week, can tell us what it will be 50 years from now.

I'm voting Democrat because I'm not concerned about restoring partial birth abortions so long as we keep all death row murderers alive.

I 'm voting Democrat because I believe that small businesses should not be allowed to make a profit. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution to people who didn’t start businesses.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe the law is what judges say it is, and not what legislators say—or the constitution.

I’m voting Democrat because there will be riots if McCain wins.

I’m voting Democrat because the media would call me a racist if I didn’t.