Monday, February 9, 2009

My new income tax strategy

I finished my taxes yesterday. It was pretty easy this year, due to my new tax strategy.

See, in the past, I’ve always been a straight arrow, claiming only what I could document, paying everything I owed. But I discovered that I was being, as Chicago Tribune columnist John Kass says, a chumbolone.

Now I have seen the light. The middleclass, working, Republican centrist approach to taxes is for, well, chumbolones. So this year, I decided that following the example of those working-class heroes Tim Gaither, Charlie Rangel, Tom Daschle and Nancy Killefer was the way to fame and fortune.

Yes, I forgot to pay taxes on my many vacation homes, on my compensation as a consultant from international organizations, on the car and driver provided me out of “friendship” as “gifts” from big political donors I’ve supported, or taxes on the many nannies and domestics who staff my mansions. I now know that being for the poor and powerless clearly pays off better than working for a living and paying taxes.

I put a note to the IRS in my return, saying that while they might not agree with my decisions, I’d remind them that this type of thing is just a “hiccup,” according to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. Who are they to argue with a fine lawyer like Harry or the many lawyers on his team who now run the Congress?

Now all I have to do is wait for a job offer from President Obama, and I’m off to Washington to fight for the little guy. If it turns out as lucrative as these other folks’ careers, a couple of my nannies may even be able to give up their day jobs at Hooters.

Taxes? They’re for the chumbolones!


  1. I totally agree with you. We should all feel
    an obligation to send a note with our taxes advising the IRS of how we feel and a copy ot Oboma. I will do just that. I encourgage others to do the same. How much more can American tolerate?
    Rose Odom I used the "word" Anonymous because they did not have anything that fits. I am a pissed off American who feels the entire White House and every Senator should be recalled and let the average businessman and woman run
    the White House.

  2. I;m tired, too, Robert. Thank you for venting for me and my wife--blessings, David & Juneau Chagall

  3. outstanding article on 'I'm tired"...I spent 20 years in the Corps, retired, taught 20 years college level retired, was a NYS Magistrate and I can assure you that "I'm tired" and those characters that were referred to in "I,m tired" appeared at all three levels of my careers........

  4. Thank you for expressing my sentiments exactly, even though I could not have done such a masterful job as you have. The only difference you and I have is the "black" person who should be in the White House, instead of Obama, and that would be ALAN KEYES. You can rest assured that millions of Americans agree wholeheartedly with you. THANK YOU SO MUCH AND GOD BLESS YOU.
    Beth Montgomery
    (I am 66 years old and I am tired, TOO)

  5. I want to go it one step farther. I want to put the taxes we owe into ESCROW to show that we do not refuse to pay taxes but that we won't release the funds until the thiefs have been put in prison ( we don't even mind paying for their food and water ) and all that they have accumulated while in those positions has been confisgated and liquidized to give to some of the people that have been doing their duty, worked hard, saved and paid their taxes. And until this whole thing about spreading the wealth is thrown out the white house windows. The other thing is we would love to see every one in Congress booted out and start over again. And the new canditates better have a clean record.

  6. I would take it a step farther. I would like the taxes we owe this year put into an ESCROW account to show we don't refuse to pay but will not release the funds until there are some changes made. First I want to see those crooks that put us in this mess prosecuted and not only have the bonuses returned but confisgate everything that they accumulated while in those positions and liquidated to return at least some of the money to stockholders etc. Next get rid of this stimulus bill. After that we will release the funds.

  7. First of all, we need to take two steps back and a deep breathe. Then get back on stage (The world we live on), and change the script. We do not at this time in America need to argue the past and who was wrong and what is in place. We need to get together and make a better future for the next generation, and ourselves while we are alive. Put all politicians in their place and have them do the job they were sent to Washington to do. The first thing would be to represent your own state, and make sure you are serving the people of that state. Leave Politics out of getting things done. Abolish the parties all togehter and do the right things for the people as a united Congress, for the people by the people. Enough of the special interest of big business. Let them form their own Government. The Government in Washington are there for the people, and should be protecting them from Business and People like Madoff. Talking about ponzi scheme's. The Social Security system is the biggest Ponzi scheme around ..Thing about it.....The people that put money into it all their lives and the money is used up for things other then being there for the people that put it in there over the long haul. Why are we using Social Security for anything other then the purpose of having a benefit at the end of our retirement. This money should not be used for other then providing for the people its intended for at retiremnet, and should be earning interest while in escrow for them. Why should we now be concerned if there will be money in the future for this when most americans are contributing as well as their employers for the purpose of retirement?????
    Lets become United and provide for the people of the United States of America first. Like the airlines stewardess says, make sure to give yourself oxygen first in order that you can provide for the younger ones. Stop the Politics and lets get to work as ONE. Remember Government is for the people, not for a party (No pun intented)....
    Any comments can be addressed to

  8. That's why the aliens don't land.

  9. I agree with you 100%. And don't forget Harry Reid said on a TV interview that paying taxes is NOT mandatory, It is VOLUNTARY. Why can't we all voluntarily not pay taxes? If everyone did this wouldn't it send a message to the crooks in congress?

  10. If you are ONLY 63, you WILL be able to see the country THEY are building (or destroying)

  11. My Father in Law passed today at 11am
    He was born in Latvia and incarcerated during WWII at Insula germany. He is mentioned in the book. A doctor and lover of music who cared for the sick there and played the organ for Church services. He was my "step" fasther in law having joined my wifes family 15 ears ago.

    Our last serious talk was over Christmas. He told me to take my family and leave. That he regretted not having done that before the war even though the signs were there.

    I will miss him and I now fear I should heed his advice.

  12. I'm tired too! I'm retired and my husband was looking forward to retirement this summer or fall. We had hopes that after working hard since we were teenagers, we'd finally be able to take a few modest trips around the USA. We rarely took vacations except to see family. We chose, instead, to educate our children, and provide adequate health insurance etc. for the family. We no longer can look forward to a modest retirement. The market crash over the past six months has reduced for retirement funds to next to nothing. And we don't have to worry about when he will retire. His being laid off in January took care of that. Now we sit and pray we can make it until summer when we qualify for Medicare, without any major medical emergency. Yes, I am tired of working all my life for nothing, and having to put up with the whinning and complaining of those on welfare who feel entitled to have what little I have without actually EARNING it!!!! Man, am I tired!!!!

  13. In short, you are tired, and for all the valid reasons cited--reasons that TIRED us all long ago, but now sicken, disgust and outrage us.

    Saying you're only 'tired' for those reasons implies a low-key, bland irritation you've put up with for some time and just lately realized you were tired enough to write about it. Unfortunately, that's as far as it goes.

    Not a few blogs have listed the same grievences in similar style, this one in more detail and better articulated. But a bit like Limbaugh (very talented guy), this also preaches to the choir. My flaming liberal close relatives and similar ilk wouldn't get past the first sentence before trashing it with a sneer and an unsavory remark. Liberals are open-minded if...

    I applaud and deeply appreciate your military service and that of all those in uniform, now and in the past. The Corps has an American flag at 8th and I Barracks heavy with streamers commemorating all Marine engagements since 1775, testimony to its proud motto, "Semper Fidelis." I think that same spirit flows deep in all our armed services...and they show it, always.

  14. Why did you select only Democrats for criticism over dodging taxes? It goes on equally on the other side of the aisle. You reveal that your criticism is just a political bias.